


those long days passed by on that door

by berryargento



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Adulthood, Alternate Canon, Angst, Character Death, Drama & Romance, F/F, Flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 00:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7553719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berryargento/pseuds/berryargento
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And there, everything started for anything else to end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 03/15

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written to celebrate both Umi and Maki birthday, divided into two chapters and inspired from two songs. This part one will be inspired from 'Fuyu ga Kureta Yokan'
> 
> Please do enjoy, and I don't own Love Live.

_If Maki remembered clearly, she was the one who took the initiative._

_She went and confess to the older girl about her feelings, back then when the graduation ceremony was held._

_The blue-haired girl struggled to hide from the horde of girls hunting her blazer buttons (which already stripped down a few minutes after she left the auditorium). Instinctively, Maki pulled her from the crowds and both of them stay hidden inside the locked music room until the crowd died down._

_The days when Muse ended already passed by year, the curtain already called, the music notes already closed forever, yet Nishikino Maki held her own hope high that time._

_She confessed in the afternoon-lit music room where they spend their time together without anybody knowing._

* * *

Sometimes, morning was too bright for her.

"Good morning, Maki."

The call has become her wake-up alarm. As if on cue, she would look up, amber eyes stared back at her with those tender gaze which reserved only for her. Maki took her time to push herself forward, bumping and brushing their nose together.

"Morning."

A peck on the lips, slow and careful touches. Umi tried to move herself closer this time, wrapping herself to Maki's.

It already been months since the blue-haired renowned novelist moved under her roof. The neurosurgeon was surprised herself to find Sonoda Umi being so bold that time, after the times they were together without strong words of ties.

Between them, no word could express their feelings. No status like 'lovers' or 'girlfriends' necessary even though they were practically in a tight-knitted relationship.

"What time is it?"

"It's 8."

"Meaning you just slept for three hours?"

"H-How do you know?"

"I know you need to meet your manuscript deadline around this date," Maki squinted her eyes. "You do aware the risk of unhealthy sleep cycles, don't you?"

Umi laughed nervously, "Alright, I'll sleep later after I see you off, okay? D-Don't make that pout."

Maki pulled herself to get up and went to the bathroom. Her schedule said she would have an appointment with board directors around 10 before a surgery at 12, meaning she had more than enough time to enjoy her morning with her beloved over her favorite hot tea and toast.

* * *

_Maki expected her senior would be all flustered and silent after the moment of confession, well, it turned as it should: Umi who was sitting beside Maki, whom twirling her hair and averting her gaze, only mouthed stuttering words in vocal chords._

_It was for the best, it indeed was._

_Then, unknown to her, gentle palm caressed her trembling hand which rested between them. Amber eyes peered to her in curiosity._

_"Are you sure you're not choosing a wrong person?"_

* * *

"How's your manuscript progressing?"

Maki sat down at the dining room, grabbing the nearby newspaper to read as Umi shuffled through the kitchen brewing some tea. The redhead preferred Western-style breakfast more than ever, but Umi threw Japanese-style on the table at times. There ever been some debate over the same calories and sugar intake between eating bread and eating rice, which eventually led to an agreement where they could switch to prepare breakfast.

"It turned out nicer than I expected," Umi replied with a relieved tone. "I hope I can send it right on the deadline this month."

Umi brought the tray contained teapot and respective cups shortly and they started to dig in their food, which composed in simple, staple breakfast with fried fish and miso soup.

"Is it your running series?"

"It's kind of a sequel following the last book before the next installment is up," she explained. "I hope it would be great."

"Your writing is always awesome, Umi."

Blush blossomed on the novelist's cheek, she coughed awkwardly before mouthing a little thank you as a reply.

"Speaking of which …" amber eyes rolled to see the wall clock. "Can you … spare some time now to play your piano?"

"Hmm?"

"I feel really inspired after seeing you play," it was Maki's turn to become red when Umi slipped her smile between sentences. "Can I?"

She wanted to add 'anything for you' but it would rather be too cheesy for her to say. "Sure."

Both of them left the dining room to the of living room where Maki's raven grand piano sat at the corner. Maki played her piano mostly on her day off, and sometimes by Umi's request. It brought nostalgia back in those days when they still composed songs together. At this time around, Maki would play classical songs, western songs and of course, Muse songs.

Umi took her place beside Maki on the piano stool as Maki began her prelude, humming along in the process.

* * *

_As much as Maki wanted to smack some sense to her senior's head, she replied with her warmest smile ever, "I don't want to lie to you, Umi."_

_The grip on her hand tightened, amber eyes never let go off of her amethyst that day._

_A swell of anticipation warmed inside her, yet, nobody dared to move except to scratch lightly at each other's back of hand._

_The redhead couldn't tune down her thundering heartbeat, her spiraling mind, as well as her overflowing happiness. She tried to focus only on Umi, never intended to leave, to back down or to catch her breath._

_(Umi, breathtaking as always.—she thought to herself as she examined the latter's eyelashes, the bright amber eyes of hers and her lips curved into a tender smile.)_

_"Can I take it as yes?" Maki repeated. The girl in front of her didn't flinch per se._

_Umi was made of surprise, it seemed._

_Maki would never, ever, imagine; even in her wildest dreams for Sonoda Umi to close the gap between them with a press to her lips._

_Indeed, it was short, too short, and Umi trembled when she let go. She looked like she did something worth to dig one deepest hole in her life, she was unsure and she wondered whether she had done a right thing._

_Maki's mouth left hanging open._

_"S-Say something, will you?"_

_Umi's voice softened, albeit her amber was glaring at her._

_"Oh. Uh. R-Right."_

_"I-I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?" she interrupted. "I-I, well, I—"_

_Maki gave Umi's hand another gentle squeeze._

_"Don't be afraid, Umi, I'm not going anywhere." the composer said. "I … was so happy I can't form any words."_

_A silence followed and on the next seconds, they burst out laughing._

_[Did the feeling of love turned them into cowards?]_

* * *

"I'll be back before dinner," the doctor said as she fixed her coat. "And I hope you fulfill your promise by resting before continuing your manuscript."

Umi chuckled at the wary tone, "No need to worry, I will."

"Remember when you were sick and I—"

"I-I'm sorry about that Maki, I will not be reckless with my health again," she clasped Maki's hands. "Umm, see you later."

The redhead neurosurgeon squeezed the novelist hand as it was about to retreat. Silence fell between them, making a room for Maki's hesitation. She eventually closed their distance together when Umi nodded slightly, pressing their lips together. One was never enough for them, they always did more and more pecks than necessary. Tension grew quickly as the press went longer and longer; exchange of endless kisses, moans of each other's name, and another form of desires altogether.

Breathless but fulfilled, Maki tucked stray hairs behind her lover's ear, cupping the burning cheek still as if not wanting to let the moment of beauty wasted.

"I will be going then."

They made the last bump to her forehead.

"Take care."

.

.

.

At the corner of her eye, she saw her, sitting all by her lonesome by the edge of hospital cafeteria, sipping something maybe coffee or anything related to the liquid of caffeine. At first, she was afraid to approach the red-haired woman clad in her white doctor suit with black bags below her amethyst eyes there, unsure about how or what to say.

"Kotori?"

And the ashen-haired woman was being caught staring.

Minami Kotori nodded at the doctor's call and eventually approached the doctor.

Nishikino Maki gestured for her old friend to sit on the unoccupied chair by her front. Kotori's guess was right, the doctor's coffee was there, black as night and smelt strong as ever. She faintly saw Maki's rigid expression relaxed by her arrival before reverting back to her stoic ones.

"Long time no see, Maki-chan."

"Has it been that long?"

Kotori bit her tongue unconsciously at the sentence. Maki watched Kotori in silence as she took another sip to her coffee.

"Well … you always _here_ , right?" The doctor tapped on the table. "I'm sorry for my absence."

Amber eyes rolled, moved downwards. Kotori sighed at how the conversation went. She cursed, blamed inwardly to her shame of self of bringing her presence for Maki to know.

"I'm a coward, I know, Kotori."

"W-What are you talking about, Maki-chan?"

"I should've let her death become the best of me and neglected my work, just as how you guys always tell me to," Maki smiled bitterly. "I'm sure both Eli and Nico would punch my face when they saw me."

"Maki-chan—"

The doctor got up from her seat, the black liquid rippled inside the cup, left and abandoned as she took her wordless leave.

* * *

[Every month on the 15th, she would play _Requiem_.

No matter how busy, no matter how depressed she was, she would spend one moment in that day to press the keys of her beloved piano to execute the tune.—]

* * *

"—Maki-chan, wait!"

Maki heaved a weary sigh before she turned, hoping her senior would not spout another nonsense for trying to calm her head or something.

"Honoka-chan … I think she said she mistook bringing Umi-chan's bag with hers and she found this."

Kotori handed a white-colored book to her hand. Wrinkles were present here and there, also the page color already turned brown on the side, but the book was in a still good condition. Maki remembered about the manuscript Umi was talking about, and if her guess was right, this book was Umi's last work.

Small words printed on the center of the cover, thankfully, quite readable through all the blurs and smears.

_The Premonition Winter Gave Me_

She recalled the novel content to be a sequel to Umi's best-seller series, about a singer who tried to paint her own world of voice, accompanied by her comrades to an unknown world beyond; some kind of fantasy with a beautiful arrangement of poets and lyrics.

Carefully, she opened the first page of the novel, which was written manually and signed.

_To the red flower out there,_  
_I wish Summer never ends, but Winter is beautiful, just like you._  
_You're my sun; my warmth; my everything.  
_ _I do hope this suits you the most._

Her amethyst didn't cease to blink to see the opening. Her curiosity piqued as when she opened the last page, there was nothing ever written.

Even at another page—

—and to the last page.

Maki arched her brow, wondering and thinking whether Honoka was trying to pull some prank for her. Then again, she didn't bring herself to slam the book back to Kotori and briskly walked away, she closed the white book shut when suddenly pages began to crumble at her hands, leaving only the cover intact. An outline of an item was visible at the book's spine, which was concealed minutes ago.

Maki quickly unwrapped the hard cover without any second thought, a silver necklace came out from its captive grace.

At the end of the necklace, she found a plain silver ring attached.

Maki checked carefully to see whether the mysterious ring voiced any details. She caught a glimpse of thin engravement on the ring, she traced the outline carefully to get images whatever the ring was hiding.

"Nishikino Maki … Sonoda Umi."

The ring fell from her grasp as her knees hit the floor, tears streaming from her eyes.

_Umi was—_

.

.

.

* * *

[Every month on the 15th, she would play _Requiem_.

No matter how busy, no matter how depressed she was, she would spend one moment in that day to press the keys of her beloved piano to execute the tune.

She will never falter until the end of the song, she never will. It was, she thought to herself, the least she could do to remember her and the biggest thing she could do to forget her.—]

* * *

At times, she would stare at her phone with such empty gaze, fiddling over the last call logs and last messages, which was dated exactly one year ago.

_"Where are you now, Umi?"_

_"I'm on my train with Honoka and Kotori now, the trip sure was fun and fascinating. I think it was good to refresh my mind before working on my next novel."_

_"I'm sorry I can't come with you, I—"_

_"It's okay, Maki, it's okay. We can go over here together if you want someday."_

_Wide smile, along with blushes on her cheek were apparent, "Err, Umi?"_

_"Yes?"_

_(I miss you.) (Can we talk some more?) (Can I see you now?) (Do you mind if I kissed my phone now in a place of you?) "I-It's nothing, have a safe trip, okay?"_

.

.

.

March 15th, one year of death anniversary of her beloved.

Everything struck her like a torrent of tidal waves; everything looked as if it was a beginning but it was ending too quick for her to bear.

The train experienced a huge crash because of the missing tracks and it fell into the sea below. About fifty people were saved from the incident and the rest of passengers, after three months of searching, was reported to be MIA.

Both Kousaka Honoka and Minami Kotori needed various therapy before they could finally walk normally while her other friend was in the list of MIA passengers.

Sonoda Umi was gone; just like bubbles—without warning, without saying _anything_.

It was the day when Maki cursed her life for eternity and she began to lock herself away from everyone; and she even stopped coming to work.

_She didn't want a pity, she didn't want anything but—_

"Pull yourself together!"

A slap across her face landed straight when she opened the door to greet Nico, Nozomi, and Eli back then. Rin and Hanayo were there to give her hug attack thereafter. They told her to get over it already, to move and to carry on.

The first months after the incident, Maki would always wake up in the middle of the night as if she was listening voices she longed, hearing footsteps she wanted, to only meet an endless void occupied beside her. She would cry until the dawn breaks, clutching at the vacant spot inside her heart.

 _Umi,_ she called.

 _Umi,_ she screamed.

 _Umi,_ she wanted to feel her even just for one more time.

Even though she couldn't cry anymore after months passed, she didn't need to mourn a lot, but thinking back, her heart ached all the same.

_She missed her warmth, her solemn voice, her gentle gaze, her—_

The _Requiem_ came to a halt. She dropped herself down, sobbing quietly to and hugged her cold body. Silver ring gleamed under the moonlight without its pair, Nishikino Maki cried for the longest after a year.

* * *

She reclined back to her seat, glancing at the wall clock to see how much time left before her shift's over. She already finished checking post-operation patient and with no schedule of surgery today, the neurosurgeon practically free until the end of the day. The redhead only needed to wait for five minutes more, she would be able to go home and take some rest.

Maki examined the ring on her finger, softly tracing at names engraved there.

A month passed like a gust of wind. Oddly, heavy pang on her chest already gone as if nothing had happened. She didn't feel like waiting of someone who won't return anymore, Maki was calm and composed than her unstable self a month ago, although, she kept playing _Requiem_ at the promised time of 15th every month.

Four days went by quickly after the Requiem this month, the spring atmosphere was already on its fullest.

She closed her eyes, letting herself lean casually on her chair and hearing clock ticked bit by bit.

"Dr. Nishikino? A patient wishes to consult with you now," the nurse on the other side of door knocked. "It's already past your designated time, should I tell the patient to go back tomorrow or to see another doctor?"

Maki opened her eyes, sighed as she saw the clock now. It was just as the nurse said, her work time was up, she could move this late patient to another neurosurgeon out there as she wished. She shook her head slowly, diminishing the initial thought; she was free, why bother to make the patient wait, right?

"Give me the records and let the patient in."

The nurse was a senior there, so she thought when she saw wrinkles on the latter's face. Her hands were full with green-colored envelopes of medical records. The doctor hoped the current patient's condition was not as bad as the mountain of records said. Usually, someone with piled up notes like that tended to have a degenerative illness, moved from another hospital, or have different kinds of symptoms at once.

After piling up the notes beside room's desk, the nurse urged the said patient in, letting her sitting across redhead neurosurgeon.

Maki couldn't cease to blink, her world seemed to be turning into a deafening silence.

The patient had her forehead bandaged, as well as parts of her exposed lower arm and along her neck.

"She wanted to consult regarding her frequent headache, doctor," the nurse deciphered. "Her name is Umi."

* * *

[to be continued – **_04/19_** ; keyword: Aki no Anata no Sora Tooku.

* * *

 


	2. 04/19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 04/19, Aki no Anata Sora no Tooku. "You are my destiny."

****When she woke up, a sharp pain immediately took place, making her scream. She felt her ears ringing, her whole body shaking, and her throat mourning. The intense pain didn't stop, it didn't ease either—

"—Calm down."

She heard voices, she felt hands grabbing her shaking ones as if trying to calm her down. Her blurry surrounding slowly went into focus, as she saw a woman with blue hair tied in ponytail looked over her restlessly.

"Can you hear me now?"

The pain fell into deafening silence.

"W-Where am ... I?"

"My home," the woman said. "Are you okay now? Do you want some water, perhaps?"

"N-No, thanks ... umm ..."

Her eyes darted around the room she was in. Beyond her was a simple tatami room without much furniture, only a wooden coffee table beside her sleeping futon, a wooden wardrobe beside a large, standing mirror where she looked at her own reflection.

The person inside the mirror has a messy tress of blue, head covered in bandages as well as her neck, amber eyes peered unfocused gaze and a face that lacks healthy color.

Was that really her?

She glanced back to the woman, who was sitting beside, supporting her limping body to sit upright.

"M-May I ask who you are ...?"

"I'm only an ordinary fisherman around this area who happened to find you floating around the shores, lady," she spared a chuckle. "You can call me Mori."

She was about to ask something else but another series of pain struck her head once more, rendered her speechless. Her world spinning once more, she could hear nothing but debilitating silence outside her screaming head. Words stuck, piling up inside her throat even though she wanted to call, to speak anything—something to distract her pain.

"Whoa, easy there, you have just awakened after all," she heard the faint voices soothing her. "Get some sleep will you?"

The darkness invited her faster than her own answer to the question.

* * *

In another time her eyes opened to the near-empty looking room, the blue-haired woman was nowhere to be found. She was grateful her headache wasn't as strong as the first, as she could slowly got up on her own to sit up. Beside her was a glass of water and a box of medicine.

She turned her gaze to the opposite of door to witness the vast sea beyond the window way.

Sea.

There was a heavy pang hit her chest as she gazed at such scenery.

The sea was beautiful; blue, wide and free of restraint. She wanted to see it up close yet she felt somehow her eyes burnt because of her wish. She didn't know why she thought that way, or why she urged to sense it.

"Good, you're awake now."

The voice from the first time she woke up could be heard from the doorway. If she could recall, this blue-haired woman introduced herself as Mori.

"U-um ... good morning?" she said as the woman approached her bedside, sitting right near the glass of water which might be prepared long beforehand.

Mori smiled at her weak and timid response, "How's your head now?"

"Better, thank you."

The woman nodded at this wholely, "Anyway, don't you gotta tell me about yourself now, that you're feeling a lot better?"

A pause was apparent. As much as the bedridden girl wanted to decipher an identity to name herself, she came into black and white, only to grit her teeth and slowly bit her lips in uneasiness.

Seeing this, Mori frowned. "You ... don't know your name?"

She shook her head. Mori whirled around, lips pursed.

"How about I name you Umi, since I found you on the sea?"

She eventually tilted her head, wondering. _How come she used that kind of logic to easily name someone?_ —she wanted to object.

"You don't like it? We can change it to another, like Arashi, Kumo—"

However, thinking back, Umi wasn't a bad name, at least.

"Ah, umm, Umi is fine by me." she interjected.

Mori didn't seem amused by sudden turn of events but she hummed okay as a response.

"Anyways, it's still no good to be up so long, don'tcha think? You need more rest to recover your head, okay?"

* * *

The first three months until Umi finally free from her hammering headache. This time, aside from seeing outside within the windowsill, she could walk slowly outside the house, feeling the sandy ground by her bare feet.

Mori watched closely from behind, "You seemed to like sea a lot."

"Am I? It was just the scenery I can see from my bed." she replied. "The sea was ... not a thing I'm fond of. It was just ... I felt something lies there somehow. Answers to my condition or ... well, the sea was simply beautiful to distract me from my pain."

Mori formed a low hum of response. "That's good then," she passed by the standing blue-haired girl, whirled around before turning her attention back, "Say, how about you join me fishing?"

Umi didn't know how to fish and declined every attempt of Mori asking her to hold the fishing rod for her. She watched silently as Mori went over the step of straightening the fishing line, putting the bait, throwing the pole on the designated spot, everything was done meticulously. She only got a handful of fish and eventually took many breaks instead of focusing her rod and catch more fish.

"Are you really a fisherman?"

"Nah, just a hobby," she answered. "I love eating fresh fish so I done this pretty often."

Umi looked inside the pail where Mori stored her catch. Three fishes swimming freely in the crystal clear water.

"Anyways, Umi, since you've been doing well lately ..." Mori retracted her fishing rod from its attacking position. "I don't know where are you from but I think it's wiser to do as the villagers said—to take you to the city and to a bigger hospital."

Umi arched her brow. "City ...?"

"Yup, like Tokyo for instance," the woman nodded. "It's one of the nearest big city with decent hospital, we can get your head thoroughly checked."

For once, Umi's lips stayed open, wrinkles formed on her forehead. The city name has a familiar ring into it.

"Something's up?"

"I-I think I do familiar with that name."

Mori rolled her eyes, shoving Umi a plain look. "Well, everyone in Japan do. It's our capital city! You don't know about it?"

"Uhh ... I think I do, but I guess I do not, sorry."

"Should I go out and buy you a geographical map of Japan then?"

"N-No! That's not what I meant. B-But thanks for the offer."

Still, an invisible fog inside her mind prevented her to take any further depth of that clue. She couldn't connect anything related to Tokyo, nothing came out, nothing could be summarized. She was only familiar with the name but no more description related.

"Don't think too hard, give it some time." Mori patted at the latter's shoulder. "Should we be back so you can rest up?"

Umi nodded numbly, surrendering from her own mind's maze and walked back home with Mori guided her weak arm.

* * *

It was already night outside and it was one of the time Umi stayed inside the house doing some of house chores while waiting for Mori to come back from work.

Time flew fast, it had been long since she had lived there and survived her headache and dizziness. Mori at times urged her to go to Tokyo as fast as they could but Umi disagreed, telling that she was still not in a good shape and she was a bit afraid.

The life she had right now has been comfortable and she didn't want to bother to recall back everything or to check her head. She wanted to be oblivious, she wanted to enjoy the silence she had now but—

Umi exhaled heavily as she felt a pang on her chest, she didn't know why such pain existed every time she wanted to forget whatever she was back then and enjoyed the sea view and refreshing air around her.

There was ... there, somewhere, a place where she truly _d_ —

"I'm home!" came a loud voice from outside. "Oh, Umi, you're done with the laundry already, huh?"

The blue-haired woman—the owner of this small house, her savior—beamed as she entered the house, removing her shoes before coming in. Umi mouthed a quiet 'welcome back' in response. After she folded her own jacket, she sat beside Umi's mountain of laundry.

"Is something wrong? You look pale."

Did she really can tell? Honestly, she never knew how she could hide her tired expression properly at times.

"About Tokyo, it has been on my mind since recently." Umi began.

"I said don't take it too hard on yourself," Mori frowned. "What did came into you? Did you recall anything else beside plain Tokyo?"

Come to think of it, she hardly could think any, even though many months passed since their mention about Tokyo. Her sleeping was almost dreamless, void of anything except blackness and at times whiteness, she only found herself walking towards a road with no end.

No, there was nothing inside her mind.

She had nothing except her own physical body.

Doctor came up inside the house often to check up on her, inspecting her wound and finally said she could remove her entire bandage. The blue-haired woman there keeping all of Umi's records to date, yet she couldn't search for an answer. It was just like that every passing month without any significance.

Seeing the stern look upon the amnesiac girl, Mori spoke up;

"How about this, we'll refresh your mind by walking outside?" she chimed, clapping her hands. "You haven't seen the night sky around the naked sea, have you?"

* * *

It was amusing to see how Mori happened to try to cheer her up.

She didn't really know who was the woman who rescued her, and she ever said Umi's existence was not a bother to her. Her work was mostly a mystery except for her fishing hobby, she would come home rather late because working but she would always bring snacks or ice cream.

Enigmatic as her existence was, it felt surreal at times.

Like, was that world really beautiful? With all the sparkling sea, beguiling stars and beautiful night?

(What is life when you don't remember yours?)

Mori stopped on her favorite spot of shore this time too, together with a few firewoods and a single match. She asked Umi to bring two fishes with them, small fish cradled in thin, sharp stick. They didn't have to wait long for the fire Mori ignited flared up perfectly; not too huge, not too small, and they placed the prepared fish near the open fire.

Umi looked over Mori with a puzzled look.

"This is called grilled fish if you don't know—"

"That's not it, umm," Umi sounded hesitant. "Why are you doing this?"

Crackling fire filled the silence before Mori cracked a laughter.

"Who knows?" she stated. Eyes darted to the sky. "They said looking at constellation might guide you to a right place. But it was when everything in the still darkness."

Umi gazed up to glitters above her, stars were shining down on her, unknown to the hiding moon. Mori kept talking about how sailors used star as a signpost, that constellation—clusters of stars—has a deeper meaning than just a simple feast for eyes.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Mori pointed at certain lines above. "This marks Orion, for example, it's—"

_"—it was named after a Greek hunter. Well, I'm just making up since our skies can't see the Orion up close, but Orion constellation is similar to that."_

Umi blinked, realizing whether the voices was not coming from Mori's.

_"The image for this song is blue. Maybe we can really sing it under the rooftop night's sky. It's Yume no Tobira after all—"_

"Oi, Umi? Do you hear me?"

A snap and Umi came back to reality with Mori already frowned, unhappy that she was ignored.

"Sorry, I-I was ... seeing ..." she must recall it, she must. "It's faint, but I think I was ... somewhere ... err, it said ... Otonokizaka—something."

Yeah, she was inside a school. In front of a school gate, seeing the school emblem along with fallen Sakura petals. She was, she was—

"Hmm? Otonokizaka?" Mori tilted her head, thinking. "Guess I've heard some school idol thing from that part? It was ages ago, though."

_Was she on the right track?_ She couldn't help to wonder. Her train of memories stopped there, however, there were no strange voices left its trace inside her mind.

"But it's good then that we found somewhere you remembered! We can go there anytime to check!" Mori beamed, looking as pensive as ever. "When will you be prepared to go?"

.

.

.

In the back of her mind, however, one question rang out:

Who was the person who loved the night, starry sky that most?

* * *

_How many times_  
I got to tell you this,  
I don't want to let myself finish

_-I will find you._

* * *

That morning, Maki's hurried step to her private room halted as she passed the main lobby.

Usually at night, when Maki forced to have an emergency night shift or surgery, someone will sit down at one of the waiting chairs there, waiting for her to pass by, either from surgery room or nurse station. At time she waved her hand trying to get Maki's attention, sometimes she would stand up and came to where Maki waited.

Maki would feel rejuvenated even though she was dead tired, Umi would be there.

And after one year, the lobby was empty of her presence at night.

Maki closed her eyes, letting her feet brought her elsewhere.

* * *

"Aaand ... here we are, Akihabara!"

After countless truck until they got to a train station which led to Chuou line, indeed, they finally arrived to the destination of their tiring journey. Akihabara, Tokyo, just like how her memories ever whispered, and their next step was to visit a place called 'Otonokizaka' high school.

Umi was confused to see a crowd gathered all over the place, unlike the quiet sea shore together with a few fishermen walking by holding their catches or fishing boat around. People swarming everywhere, be it uniformed students to employees and some other people coming and going.

Her amber eyes looked up to the sky, dark clouds filled her view.

"It might rain soon," Mori was unamused. "Guess we need to go and ask for direction as fast as we could."

"—Wait."

For once, Umi halted Mori from running as she saw a set of stairs descending, a handful of people walking toward the top. A wood plate which shown direction said it was a place called Kanda Myojin, a shrine.

"Do you want to go there?"

Umi nodded.

* * *

Rain was starting to pour down as they reached the end of stairs where the shrine garden was. Many visitors whom presented ran to cover themselves from rain, some of them still writing on their wood ema.

Umi stared at an unfamiliar environment of the shrine as rain didn't stop coming.

"Come on, you'll be sick if you stay here," Mori pulled her arm, Umi remained motionless. "Umi?"

Umi brought herself to the front of offertory box, not even hearing what Mori was saying. Her gaze wandered from the big bell, the rope, the offertory box, the wood ceiling, to everything she felt foreign to.

_("I hope that our Live will be successful.")_

_"Everyone will wish the same right? I'm sorry I came late."_

_"Don't worry, after this, we'll start working on the last song again."_

_"I thought we were done with SUNNY DAY SONG?"_

_"I knew you already wrote something else beside it."_

_"That's—wait, you saw that!?" she gasped, shades of red followed after._

_"Just happened to, since you left your music book there, I can't stop myself from taking a peek."_

_"Mou!" she averted her gaze, puffing her cheek. "Guess I can't help it, huh? Since you already know, you must come up with decent lyrics, you got me?"_

_"Of course, _"_

—And her striking headache was something that brought her back to reality. It was never as strong as this, it was as if her head would split into two. Umi crouched, clutching her head, writhing in pain.

"—Someone help—"

"Bring her to the hospital, quick—"

* * *

She inclined back to her seat, glancing at the wall clock to see how much time left before her shift's over. She already finished checking post-operation patient and with no schedule of surgery today, the neurosurgeon practically free until end of the day. The redhead only need to wait for five more minutes, she would be able to go home and take some rest.

Maki examined the ring on her finger, softly tracing at names engraved there.

A month passed like a gust of wind. Oddly, heavy pang on her chest already gone as if nothing had happened. She didn't feel like waiting of someone who won't return anymore, Maki was calm and composed than her unstable self a month ago, although, she kept playing Requiem at the designated time of 15th every month.

Four days went by quickly after the Requiem this month, the spring atmosphere was already on its fullest.

She closed her eyes, letting herself lean casually on her chair and hearing clock ticked bit by bit.

"Dr. Nishikino? A patient wants to consult with you now," the nurse on the other side of door knocked. "It's already past your active hours, should I tell the patient to go back tomorrow or to see another doctor?"

Maki opened her eyes, sighed as she saw the clock now. It was just as the nurse said, her work time was up, she could move this late patient to another neurosurgeon out there as she wished. She shook her head slowly, diminishing the initial thought; she was free, why bother to make the patient wait, right?

"Give me the records and let the patient in."

The nurse was a senior there, so she thought when she saw wrinkles on the latter's face. Her hands were full with green-colored envelope of medical records. The doctor hoped the current patient's condition was not as bad as the mountain of records said. Usually, someone with piled up notes like that tend to have degenerative illness, moved from another hospital, or have different kinds of symptoms at once.

After piling up the notes beside room's desk, the nurse urged the said patient in, letting her to sit across redhead neurosurgeon.

Maki couldn't cease to blink, her world seemed to be turning into a deafening silence.

"She wanted to consult her frequent headache, doctor," the nurse deciphered. "Her name is Umi."

Maki held her breath as the blue-haired presumable patient mumbled an excuse as she sat down, sometimes fidgeting, sometimes clenching her fist on her lap. Uneasiness and worry painted her face, making the doctor cringed in nonexistent pain.

Was she, finally fall into a case of hallucination?

"D-Doctor? Y, your face is scary ..."

Nishikino Maki blinked, letting her thumping heart and rushing adrenaline didn't get the best of her, "I-I'm sorry, I was spacing out ..." collecting herself, she cleared her throat. "What was your name again, Umi?"

She never knew the name spelled so bitter on her tongue after some time.

"I hit my head and I don't remember my name, the person who brought me here renamed me with the name Umi," she explained. "I don't know why my headache bothered me a lot lately. I was pretty close to faint at times, too."

"That ... sounds bad." Maki muttered, writing on the report card. "I might need to run MRI scans to see what's wrong with your head, also few other tests ... will your guardian agree?"

Amber eyes rolled, remain focused solely below and not to the doctor's watchful gaze.

"Will you believe me if ... the person who escorted me here was ... nowhere to be found?"

Maki reprimanded herself to say something about this patient said nonsense or she was degraded with some other mental illness. "Still, you need a thorough checkup."

Another heavy silence ensued between them. Took some while for the doctor to heave a sigh and concluded her point.

"Well then, I'll call the nurse to escort you to a room where you could be for tonight before your checkup schedule." Maki said coolly. "Please wait."

* * *

_"You're too far with it, Umi-chan."_

_Orange-haired woman piped after her blue-haired childhood friend proposed about her plan. The cafe, thankfully, was quiet except for their idle chatter._

_A pair of plain ring was on her hold all this time._

_"At least, she won't suspect me doing anything that might take her attention," she chuckled in response. "She would never, ever think I prepared this."_

_"After this time, your book was all about her, huh? How I can be as romantic as that with—" she trailed off, sending the latter to give an odd look. "—Oh. No. Never mind. Then what's on your mind after it's finished?"_

_"She won't be attending my book signing, sadly. I need to change my plan." she scratched her nape. "Think I should do it on her birthday?"_

_"That's one year from now, talk about planning far ahead!"_

_"Well, both of us are still busy, so why don't take it slow?" she smiled. "As long as she didn't notice this book is never going to be published."_

.

_Kotori handed a white-colored book to her hand. Wrinkles were present here and there, also the page color already turned brown at the side, but the book was in a still good condition. Maki remembered about the manuscript Umi was talking about, and if her guess was right, this book was Umi's last work._

_Small words printed on the center of the cover, thankfully, quite readable thorough all the smears._

_The Premonition Winter Gave Me_

_She recalled the novel content to be a sequel to Umi's best-seller series, about a singer who tried to paint her own world of voice, accompanied by her comrades to an unknown world beyond; some kind of fantasy with a beautiful arrangement of poet and lyric._

_Carefully, she opened the first page of the novel, which was written manually and signed._

_To the red flower out there,_  
_I wish Summer never ends, but Winter is beautiful, just like you._  
_You're my sun; my warmth; my everything.  
_ _I do hope this suits you the most._

I want my love to be dyed in the color of Fall,  
Seeing you dance together with me 'till the last call,  
Watching you smile until the night fall.

_Her amethyst didn't cease to blink to see the opening. Her curiosity piqued as when she opened the last page, there was nothing ever written._

_Even at another page—_

_—and to the last page._

_Maki arched her brow, wondering and thinking whether Honoka was trying to pull some prank for her. Then again, she didn't bring herself to slam the book back to Kotori and briskly walked away, she closed the white book shut when suddenly pages began to crumble within her hands, leaving only the cover intact. An outline of an item was visible at the book's spine, which was concealed minutes ago._

_Maki quickly unwrapped the hard cover without a second thought, a silver necklace came out from its captive grace._

_At the end of the necklace, she found a plain silver ring attached._

_Maki checked carefully to see whether the mysterious ring voiced any details. She caught a glimpse of thin engravement on the ring, she traced the outline carefully to get images whatever the ring was hiding._

_"Nishikino Maki ... Sonoda Umi."_

_The ring fell from her grasp as her knees hit the floor, tears streaming from her eyes._

_Umi was going to propose her._

* * *

"Sorry it took a bit ... late," the redhaired doctor said. "Apparently, there are no rooms for standby today ... but you can stay inside this room. Don't worry about administration or anything, you will be staying here with my permission. After all, your head needs to be treated and staying away from the hospital is a no-go."

Umi watched as doctor Nishikino ascended to her seat once again, this time with puffy and red eyes and a reek of tobacco smell. Umi shook her head, mentally noted it was her imagination, the doctor was perhaps tired.

"Don't worry, nobody will come here except with my instruction. You can rest up to prepare for tomorrow's exam—"

"Doctor."

Being interrupted, she made an abrupt full stop, almost choking on her own words, "Yes?"

"You're ... crying."

Her breath halted entirely by that mention. She was crying? Why? She felt complete nothing for minutes ago and—

Umi moved her thumb closer, wiping tears which flowing from the doctor's right eye carefully. The touch was warm as if she had expected it, and her tears were cold, grazing to her cheekbone and making her heart ached, yearned for a nonexistent entity.

_Why was she crying?_

_Why—because the fate was cruel?_

_Was it because she couldn't curse anything in exchange for her bleeding self?_

Maki realized her own self trembling, unable to control her own emotion and her overflowing burst of tears. The patient's fingertips didn't stray, still tried to erase her trail to no avail.

"Doctor?"

Maki's trembling hand moved to grip the foreign fingertips, guided it to stay on her cheek. She was sobbing quietly, biting her lips, suppressing her shaken voice. Umi was torn by the sight, unable to move or break away.

Everything crumbled into a perfection.

Umi didn't know why the doctor cried.

She didn't know why her hand moved on its own, holding her close.

Yes, she didn't know who she was, up until now. She was brought her by her memories, her headache, the disappearance of a person whom helped her the most, and then she didn't understand how could everything happened.

She wanted to forget her past self/she wished to stop existing/she needed to move on.

"Can I be a little selfish ...?" Maki's voice was like a squeak.

The doctor let her hand go and she departed from her seat. Maki approached where the patient seated.

"Will you please stand up?" she asked in a rather quiet tone.

A hug was the least she expected. Instinctively, Umi wrapped her hands gently around the doctor's waist, supporting doctor's frail frame. Maki was afraid the girl might break, but she pushed her will and fortunately for all of her selfishness, the girl stayed silence. Maki sobbed, whispered the same word over and over.

_"Umi."_ Her voice quivered, weak. "Umi."

Maki was afraid. She was afraid to know. She didn't want the person she held onto disappeared, yet she knew this person was not the same Umi; Sonoda Umi was already dead, her girlfriend was dead, her lover was dead, her fiancee had passed away.

"Why ... does your touch feel warm like hers?" Maki closed her eyes, desperately wanted to feel. "Why are you even here? Who ... who _the heck_ are you?"

A knot formed inside her throat as she wanted to reply in simple, _'I don't know'_ circle, a very sentence that she only could say to any matter regarding her own self.

The hug loosened, Maki looked downward as she shed remnants of her teardrops. Her eyes were completely swollen by now, she was paler but she still managed to crack a smile for Umi to see.

"I'm sorry and thank you ..." Maki said. "I'll take my leave."

The red-haired doctor bolted outside, leaving Umi to her own trance.

* * *

Closing the door behind her, Maki turned her eyes to her surrounding. It was dead silent, as it was the night to become. She sighed softly before slumping down, hands clutching her dear knees. The doctor whimpered, forming a repeated chant like a broken tape.

What is even real now? Is she real? Did she just ... wake up dreaming?

"Is that really you ... Umi?" she choked. "Is it really ...? After all this time ...?"

She could be hallucinating.

She could be seeing things.

It could be a beautiful lie.

_She could still faintly smell the fragrance of the music room._

_It dusted often as no one bothered to clean everything thoroughly. The black piano there would still be her favorite item, it would be cleaned once before graduation and opening ceremony every new term, however, Maki took a liberty to clean them almost every day she saw it._

_Once, she would be there late, as someone came early than her._

_That person—her beloved senior—with a small smile on her lips and her smooth, midnight blue hair flowing against the gust of wind by the open window, and sharp-looking amber eyes which will sweep her amethyst and also made her heart race._

_Sonoda Umi._

_Umi._

_Someone that_ was _hers._

[The day she fell in love – thinking about it makes tears filled her eyes.]

* * *

Umi wanted to punch herself from making the doctor cry, even though she didn't know the reason why. She helped herself to sit back at where she was, fiddling with her own fingers, trying to compose herself.

First, her guardian up until this moment was missing without trace, leaving her in the hospital without saying anything except a 'thank you'.

Umi was sitting beside her when they arrived, after her headache already over, the woman who called herself Mori suddenly walked to her front, wearing her usual smile and she said her 'thank you'.

"I only can accompany you to this place, the rest is up to you," she said beforehand. "It's your own choice whether to remember or to forget."

And there, she simply disappeared, it was like she didn't exist at all.

The nurse then called her name and she was brought to this room belonged to doctor Nishikino, who was crying earlier.

What really happened? Why was her purpose here? How could her questions be answered?

Umi felt a vibration on the table, a light lit up from atop the white suit belonged to doctor Nishikino, a red-colored phone stayed.

A few notification could be seen from the main screen.

_Reminder._

_Today: April 19th, my birthday, one year without you._

_May 15th: Requiem_

_LINE: μ's: Happy birthday Maki-chan!_

Another buzz.

_μ's: Let's celebrate it at the hospital! I'll bring the cake!_

_μ's: Honoka, don't say it out loud! Maki is in the group, remember?_

_μ's: Oops._

_μ's: Tee-he._

_μ's: Honoka-chan ..._

The screen went off a moment later, but her eyes didn't cease from looking toward the screen. Not long, the screen lit once again, a phone call was in. A familiar song played in the background, an instrumental intro of their last song.

Wait.

_Their_ last song?

Did she ever made a song? With whom? Who's this 'their'?

Umi didn't bother to look into the contact ID anymore as a single voice, yet a familiar voice sang along the melody.

It was _her own_ voice.

.

.

.

_The wide sea's warm color beckons in the distance_

_It's painful, just like a painting drawn within a dream_

_Would you like to try winding back time?_

.

Maki.

April 19th.

Correlation of her yearning for a name.

Her name.

She was—

* * *

_"And you will put the ring inside the book?" Honoka repeated. "So that next time when you gave Maki your book it would be like ... surprise! You got your wedding ring?"_

_"Not so loud Honoka-chan!" Kotori reprimanded. "That's a wonderful idea, Umi-chan!"_

_"Thank you," she giggled. "I hope I can give it to her properly."_

_"Any place you have in mind; fancy restaurants, fancy resorts, or perhaps that hotel—"_

_"Honoka." Umi death-glared her hyper friend. "Our apartment is more than suitable."_

_"Good luck, Umi-chan!"_

* * *

Maki tried to straighten up herself by sitting on the nearest empty bench. Her nose was all red nose and she couldn't stop sniffling still. A can of coffee hung by her right hand while her eyes looked downward to her swinging feet.

She looked like a mess right now, she thought as she saw her own reflection on the floor.

The red-haired doctor sighed, remembering at how broken she was awhile ago.

She even cried while hugging a stranger. She was thinking that this patient was her deceased partner. She was being crazy, insane, drunk inside old memories which couldn't be replayed back.

Her amethyst remain unfocused, rolling here and there searching for anything but the direction to her room just beyond her. Unknown to her, the door opened, revealing the blue-haired patient with her soft amber eyes once again.

"Doctor," she shook her head. "No ... Maki. Nishikino Maki."

Maki left her mouth hung open. The blue-haired patient stepped forward clumsily, closing her distance within an arm reach.

"I ... I'm sorry," the girl continued, she took both of Maki limp hands to meet hers. "I—I remember now."

Maki didn't tear her eyes away when Umi brought both of her palms to caress her cheek.

"I'm home," her smile was bright. "I finally come home, Maki." she breathed as tears pooled below her gleaming amber.

Maki felt her heart sank.

"... Don't force it," Maki replied. "If you wanted to cheer me up ... though I-I mistook you for someone else ... I ..."

"You're not mistaken. This is me. I'm yours. This is your Umi." the grip to both hands went stronger.

"How can you make sure of it ...?" the doctor spoke in hoarse voice. "I'm—pathetic. I'm dreaming right now. I—"

Her sentence was unfinished as Umi bowed lower, tilted Maki's chin up and closed the distance between their lips in a form of chaste kiss.

Umi pulled, tears once again trailed down from the dried amethyst.

(However this time, she smiled.)

.

.

.

"Will Maki still be in hospital?"

Eli asked Honoka and Kotori, who were leading the group. Though the plan had foiled (since Honoka accidentally spilled the beans), Maki was not seen reading their messages, meaning they still got time. Rin and Nico were the one holding the cake and its decorating candles while Hanayo and Nozomi getting ready to blow the confetti.

"She would, sometimes she's in night shift," Kotori answered. "If she's not around her private room then we'll hit her apartment."

"Somehow it's sad that only seven of us celebrating her birthday, nya."

Their step eventually halted.

"Come on, don't start it in a sour mood," Nico interrupted. "At least we can cheer her up."

They turned to the last corner before Maki's room was, as Kotori remembered, collected shrill of surprised gasp filled between them.

Beyond them, the familiar blue-haired young woman was being hugged by the red-haired doctor.

As much as they didn't want to disturb their moment, they couldn't contain their shock either.

Umi turned to them, "—You all really came."

Maki released herself from Umi to see the other seven of Muse, who was practically running to give both of them a group tackle hug, the cake and the surprise were long forgotten.

* * *

She poured the warm water into respective mugs carefully before stirring it well. She was making hot chocolate for tonight as a friend to storm up her work. She brought two mugs to the living room, finding a certain woman was not within sight. She put two cups down and looked over the balcony area, seeking for her midnight-haired lover.

There she was, she smiled to herself.

It was as if yesterday indeed a beautiful dream composed of beautiful lies. Yet, Umi who was kissed her, Umi whom she feel yesterday, was the very woman that engraved inside her mind and her heart.

Maki opened the door slowly, a sudden gust of night wind overwhelmed her. She watched over Umi's back silently as she scanned the starry sky above her without words.

"What are you doing?"

A pair of amber eyes softened as she realized she was being called. Umi turned to face Maki, who was now standing beside her, looking at the same scenery.

"When I woke up, I saw sea around me, and night sky was beautiful," Umi began. "That moment I wondered who I was thinking about, someone who loves stargazing."

Maki turned her face away to hide her blush.

"Anyways, my mind still a bit fuzzy, I'm still in pretty much jet-lagging," she admitted, inching herself closer to lean on Maki's shoulder. "I ... don't know what will happen if I don't remember it, maybe I will end up forgetting all about you," Umi noticed that Maki slipped her hand to her open palm, entwining it in place. "Also the fact that I didn't propose to you properly."

"Now now, we'll need to treat your health first," Maki pouted. "As long as you are here, it's enough for me."

Umi cracked a giggle at Maki's remark.

"Though I'm grateful that was the first memory of you which I get to remember."

"And that was ...?"

A comfortable silence reigned, Umi was hesitant to speak.

"... The exact feeling when we kissed."

Maki couldn't help but cough awkwardly.

"Umm, sorry, it was really shameless, isn't it?" she spoke in rather embarrassed, quieter tone.

"I-It's okay, it's okay!" Maki clutched at Umi's retreating hand. "You tried to make me believe. You wanted my heart to believe in you."

Another abrupt, awkward pause.

Maki retracted her hand from Umi and moved to circle her arms to embrace her.

"Maki?"

"Let me stay like this ... for a while," she tightened her hug. "Let me feel your warmth, let me feel that you're here—"

The rest of sentence muffled by her sobs. Umi raised her hand to stroke at Maki's back.

They stayed for a long moment until Maki stopped crying, Maki then pulled back, staring at amber eyes gently. It was Maki who took the initiative to capture the waiting lips, albeit rough and desperate than Umi's slow, sweet ones yesterday.

Between their breaks of intense, short kisses, they shared a profound look, emitting each other's wants and needs as they continued.

_"Please don't be gone from me ever again."_


End file.
